You know those people you just click with? You don't have to pretend to be someone else, the banter is easy and the judgement is non-existent. That freedom of having someone accept you totally for who you are, whether that be you without make up, the kinks that may not be streamlined are listened to and understood, hell even their shit food taste you even find cute (once they don't make you try it!). In any relationship, whether it be a friend, a family member or someone you've just started dating, the best thing you can give them is freedom to be themselves and love them completely for it.
Maybe at one point I thought I had that. Or maybe I was idolising a Prince Charming that didn't see me as their forever after. I think when you really see yourself through someone else's eyes, it can be a scary opportunity for self-criticism. For example, dating a guy who you like and are content to just date exclusively to see what happens. You appreciate them, make them smile but call them out on their bullshit because you're no doormat. You're a woman that wants a man who can be an addition to the kingdom you've built for yourself in life, not a boy who becomes you're only reason for being. A person who does their thing while you do yours and together you rule the world as a team. A relationship that gives freedom to the other. There's no possession or jealously. A partnership, not a prison sentence. It's open and honest and becomes a relationship worth exploring further. But that's just how you see it.
Through the eyes of a frog disguised as Prince Charming, you're just another girl who is disposable. Another girl to show him affection. Another girl who wants to tie him down. Another girl he has to run from. And for a moment, you look back and he makes you think "Yeah, I understand why he ran. I was too available, too eager, too nice and too direct."
The fuck??! I'm sorry, but if a guy reacts to your behaviour and actions that are based on respect, understanding and genuine kindness by running, you need to know you're not the problem. You're dealing with a frog man. It takes a lot of maturity for people to talk and not fight, to listen and be present but most importantly it takes a mature person not to play games in this modern world of dating and I for one have no interest in that crap and nor should you.
I don't engage in dating mind games. Genuinely, I don't see their purpose. I don't wait 12 hours to reply because he took 6. If I have my phone on me and it beeps, I'll reply if and when I can. If I can't talk, I usually say I'll message them later. To some, that's being too available as a single girl dating a guy. But to me, I'm just replying to a message without calculating made up statistics that do not serve a point other than fucking with people's heads.
The longer I find myself in the dating world, the more I feel I should play these games. I should be closed off, vague and protective of myself as to not get hurt. I'm a newbie in this world compared to those who have lived the single life for years. And I worry that the longer a person remains single, the more closed off, fearful and less in tune they become to other people because they're so in tune with themselves. My real worry? Put two closed off, vague and fearful people together and you have a stubborn stand off that ends up with two very alone individuals wondering what went wrong.
I know from my experience in relationships that being closed off, vague and unsure of yourself can negatively influence the person you're with. It can make that other person echo your distance and before you know it, two people who have the potential of being close and connected are separate and uninterested because each person was too afraid to open up because of the potential of getting hurt.
And I think that's a sad place to be. If you find yourself dating someone that excites you, makes you feel happy in their presence and understands your innuendo jokes, as shit as they may be, don't close yourself off for fear of what may or may not happen. You can only control the now. The future is not written in stone. So isn't it better to spend your time exposing yourself emotionally (and physically if the situation arises!) to someone worth pursuing and taking the risk of maybe being hurt in the end? Because maybe the end doesn't end in hurt, but ends in love and/or friendship. I'd rather look back on my life cringing at all the things I said or did for someone than reflect and wish that I did or or said something more.
Myself, I'd like to think the dating world won't close me off or make me hesitate if and when I find a person I connect with. But I also know that if that person doesn't see me as I see them, then it's time to look elsewhere.
All I can say is that today I learned a valuable lesson. And that is I deserve more than a frog disguised as Prince Charming.
Until next time,
Doey